The question is: How do I deal with them?
Tomorrow Bryan and I leave Nashville to begin a 12 day trip to France with his mom and dad. It's a dream-come-true trip for us . . . something we could never afford to do on our own. His parents are graciously funding the majority of the trip --- and at great expense I might add. I'm thrilled, excited, and grateful. I'm also anxious, stressed, and very very tired. Getting ready for a trip is a LOT of work!
Five minutes ago I got a text from my sister, Penny, saying that our Uncle Loy (my mom's older brother) died and the funeral is Wednesday. I'll be in France and, therefore, won't be able to go --- and that fact grieves me deeply. I wasn't close to Uncle Loy particularly, but I liked him and his wife, Laura, and funerals are the only time I see extended family. . . and that's a sad statement in itself.
This whole thing makes me feel sad. Crying seems to be the only answer to it although it does feel silly to cry while I'm typing.
Penny said the family called mother and told her, but they reported that they are not sure her dementia is allowing her to understand that her brother is dead. That makes me cry, too. Loy had Alzheimer's and lived a long, long time with it. I hope my mother doesn't have to go through that process in that way. It's all way too sad.
I'm really confused as to why this is such a big deal. I haven't seen Loy in probably 25 years or more. I guess when something sad happens it opens the floodgate to everything I'm not done feeling sad about . . . and then some.
It makes me feel sad again that Anna has moved away. It makes me feel sad that my dad died. It makes me feel sad that I can't see my brothers (Stu and John) and my sisters (Dana and Penny) and my step-mom (Beej) very often. It makes me sad that Bryan isn't here to hang out with me and talk about all this.
I guess I just feel sad.
It's okay. I can do this.
I think I'll go hug my dogs.
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